Now some people think that those who are upset should admit that they
are upset, talk about what is bothering them and generally not pretend
that there is nothing wrong. Now perhaps that is the best course for
some people, those who struggle to hold back fear and anger and chaos
of incomprehension. Those who are distraught and have to strive to be
and act normal are probably doing themselves some harm by pretending
that there is nothing wrong.
I am not one of those people though. Rather, it seems to me that acting
like nothing is wrong is quite easy. Often the tears and shouting and
devastated appearences those seem like an act to me. The need to
confide in people, to share the pain, to commiserate, to let everyone
know why you are acting contrary to your normal behavior that seems
pretty odd to me as well. Rather, to act normally seems… well normal
to me. To just go about your business as if nothing is wrong seems
natural to me. Sorrow is for the moments of solitutde when we deeply
contemplate the events that have transpired and think seriously about
the consequences and the inevitable future. Sorow is NOT an external
badge to wear on your shoulder so that everyone will know and treat you
differently. It isn’t for me at least.
Honestly I think a lot of people “tell” people what is bothering them
not because they want others to know but because they are afraid that
others will think that their sadness or fear is just a lie, just a
pretense, just an act. But why would you have any such fear unless you
either know that the people you will tell will be inclined to think
that you are lying or pretending or because there is indeed an element
of a lie in your behavior. Perhaps deep down we know that which we
think is natural is actually only just learned behavioral norms and yet
we still fear being called out for them almost as much as we fear not
demonstrating them and making people think we’re somehow less human for
our lack of ‘proper’ reaction…. Its one of those things where people
err on the side of overreaction rather than experience the stigma
associated with lack of reaction. We associate most serial killers and
tyrants, abusers and criminals with being entities who ‘lack’ emotional
response. No wonder nobody wants to be seen as even having a naturally
subdued response when they’d be in such company…
I also don’t understand pre-reactions. Often a negative is not so
negative or a lot worse when it is all said and done. I don’t see the
point or much point in bemoaning something until you know all of the
consequences, until you know exactly how bad it is even if all possible
outcomes are bad. No point in getting worked up over something that
could be the end of the world if it only ends up being just the end of
your wealth or a permanent and wearing inconvenience. Every
negative outcome will produce a negative reaction in you. You will be
afraid and sad and even devastates no matter which outcome comes to
pass, but if you let your fear and sadness overcome you earlier than
when you have certain knowledge (or at least as certain as knowledge
can ever be) of what will come to pass then you will experience the
fear and sadness of all possible negative outcomes added to the fear of
not knowing what the outcomes added to the fear of negative outcomes
that were never really possibilities but which you made possibilities
in your mind for not knowing. Or worse you’ll feel relief thinking that
only the best option is possible only to lull yourself into a false
sense of security so that when the truth is known the devastation is
that much the greater. Better to experience and then react and deal
with only that which is KNOWN. Don’t ever waste a few days that
could be happy with irrational confidence, worry, or fear.
All things must be as they must. All things.
