April 21, 2007
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small dreams
I’ve had big dreams. Who hasn’t? To be rich and famous or well known and respected. To be the head of your field or an artist renowned for your unique vision. Or to be a powerful player capable of changing the world for the better. Or even just to live a wealthy comfortable life in a big home having all the comforts deserving of someone who has “won” this great capitalist competitive game we spend our days playing.
I’ve dreamed these dreams, but I don’t think I’ve ever really wanted them. Rather they were more like dreams of the “wouldn’t it be neat if…” variety. They weren’t real. I couldn’t imagine actually working toward making them a reality. No doubt they are someone’s real dream and there is someone who will fight for these things and dedicate themselves with singular determination into putting themselves into such a vision of their own future. But not I. For me they have never been much of a dream, more like a wistful daydream.
Still, there are other dreams. Dreams that aren’t so big and grand or wondrous to desire. Dreams that are so tiny that most would not even recognize them as dreams. A single moment here, a word there, an experience there. Often I don’t have even a good picture of what they are, just kind of a recollection of a feeling that I would like to see come again in different day in a different way.
When I think of these dreams I find myself wanting them, needing them, and willing to fight for them. Just give me a second to reclaim a lost second of past joy or an instance of reality more real than flawed remembrance. Give me an moment of an experience beyond what I am capable of, a microscopic time frame where revelation begets understanding. I would pay a high price for those things, if given the option. But the reality is they are far less likely to occur than even the big dreams are and there is far less you can do to cause them to come to pass.
Still, these small dreams matter to me. They matter a lot more than the thoughts of big wonders and grand possibilities. These are the dreams I cherish. I would not be me without them.
