May 8, 2007
-
reality
Sometimes I find that I have an idea or a set of thoughts that resonate with me strongly. They seem “important” and I know that I have to write them. When I am occupied and don’t get a chance to immediately write them, those thoughts bounce around in my head evolving and changing for days making me feel more and more desperate to write them.
Then after a while a new thought enters into my head. The thoughts that I have thought start to feel not so important any more. In fact they start to feel somewhat familiar. Indeed I start to think that I have already writen these thoughts and I start to wonder why they bothered me so. The memory of having written grows stronger and stronger until I am totally certain that my words must be recorded somewhere. The memory is almost tactile, like I can remember my fingers typing on te keys that formed the sentences to express he ideas.
Only some times I then start to look through my writings to find the writing of the thoughts but I can’t find them. They aren’t anywhere. I don’t know if I’ve written them or not. Sometimes I do find some similar writings but usually substantively different. It’s like I never did really write it. So why did I remember it so well?Then there are other times, when no writing ideas are floating through my head, I’ll just be searching through my writings and I’ll find to my surprise several essays or emails or blog posts that are almost identical in subject matter or creative inspiration. Indeed I am just shocked that I wrote them both without ever realizing that they were connected.
So here’s the question, which is the reality? And why does my memory never seem to work the way I think it sould?
