June 20, 2007
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circling self
What is. What was. Is. Was.
Some times you feel like you’ve gone full circle, shifting through
realities to become what you once were. Is it real though? An act,
appearence? Does it matter?Feel the weight of them. Their substance. Feel their shape, their
curve. What I was in my left hand. What I am in my right hand.Why is it that I never remember the important parts of a conversation
until months past its day, an eternity past its point of greatest
relevance?Shall I cast one aspect aside? Abandon those thoughts and dreams that
defined the you that was once or the you that has become? Is it even
possible? Or would it only be false shadows of a you that had vanished,
grasping glimpses of fading light?Past in the left hand. Present in the right. Trace the fingers around
their circumference. Note the cracks and crevices in the past. See the
fault lines in your nature, note the shallow places, the bumps and
valleys of an inconstant nature.Sometimes you see someone and you start to think that maybe they’ve changed…
Changes twisted essence hides behind pretense, shelters beneath shame.
It doesn’t really matter that we’ve changed, the only question is what
we’ve lost and what we’ve gained.Right hand. Left hand. Feel the scars left by cracks healed; the mounds
from valleys filled. Feel the new fissures in the present. New bumps.
New holes.Have you ever wondered about opportunities lost, what could have been more? Illusions or truth? reason or pretense?
The present yearns equally for the future as for the past. The need is
to connect that broken circle. To make consistent all that was with all
that ever could be through the filter of that which is. We change. We
change back.Weigh them against each other. That which we were. That which we are.
Left. Right. Feel the points where one is shallow, the places where the
other is over dense. All so real, yet all so ephemeral.Juggle the aspects of our nature. Left to right. Circling ever after.
That which was becomes that which could be. That which is yields to
that which would be. Grasp at those aspects we dare not lose. Better be
quick. Don’t miss a beat. Never a toss too hard or a catch too light.
Drop but one piece and they’ll all scatter and be lost. So keep your
eyes sharp, your mind and spirit ready. Connect with yourself again and
again, piece by piece, aspect by aspect. Faster. What I was. What I
am. Faster and faster. Catch and catch again.Returning to what you were. Changing into something you’ve never been.
The cycle of becoming flows and flows. What is and what was melds into
and becomes what yet unknown will be.- Clef
