Month: August 2007

  • seeing the future

    Having pretty much chosen a path sometimes it feels as if I can see the future. Life choices are not so radically unusual that we cannot if we are calm and rational predict what is to come, and the fact is that I have been here before.

    I have lived this life before.

    I know exactly all the things I will dislike about it. I know exactly how unpleasant and annoying I will find it all. I know exactly how slow it will seem, how tedious, how trivial so much of what I will be learning will appear to be. I know exactly how frustrated I will be by the amount of “hard” work I have to do to prove my understanding of such “simple” and uninteresting ideas.  I know exactly how little it will seem that I am able to accomplish while doing it, how little energy it will seem as if I have and how much it will feel as if I am wasting my life away at times. I know exactly how annoyed I will be at the cost of it all, inordinate, irrational, though at least this time I will be the only one footing the bill.

    And I know the things I’ll love about it too. I know exactly how engrossed I will feel. I know how I will love listening to smart people discuss interesting thoughts. I know how I will love arguing with clever minds and exploring the truth and falseness of a thing together.

    I know exactly how much it will feel like my element as if this is the very place where I most belong. I know exactly how I will be able to show off and engender undeserved praise from others. I know exactly how easily I will be able to dazzle with words and deeds and make people for some god only knows reason think that I am actually pretty damn smart. And I know how much I will hate that perception, and hate the inevitable disappointment it will entail.

    I know how many of the little things that will be expected of me that I
    will despise. The necessity of punctual attendance, the requirement to work
    together with other people on projects rather than doing it on my own,
    the importance of doing “original” research which I don’t care about
    and the need to submit busy work to prove that I am paying attention. And of course the tests that so poorly measure ones capacity one wonders who came up with this madness.

    I know exactly how much I will want to quit too, to stop, to say to hell with it and go try something else. I know exactly how discouraged I will be when I hit barrier after barrier and nothing turns out the way I had dreamed it would turn out. I know exactly how stubborn pride will keep me from quitting even if it gets so bad that quitting is the only rational course of action. A simple refusal to be a person who quits will keep me going, regardless of the rationality of that position. That’s the worse case scenario, and I know how much I will dread even the possibility of things getting so bad.

    But there is one thing that will be different this time than last. One thing that makes me more hopeful than I have any right to be.  The difference is, this time, I know. All these things and more about what I am getting into I will know. Last time I didn’t even suspect. It was all new. And as a result I think I was always filled with a little bit of sadness and anger that things didn’t quite match my false illusions of how they would be. This time, at least, I know exactly what to expect. I know exactly what I am getting into.

    So the question is, does my willingness to do a thing now knowing full well the immediate consequences will be primarily unpleasant in order for long term gain mean that I am growing stronger or just stupider?

  • How has your family background influenced the way you see the world?

    Growing up in the lower middle class of a minority family in an area that is primarily white populated but which was undergoing a transformation into a more diverse environment positioned me to perceive more clearly the inequities of the American society. Most importantly, I came to the conclusion that most of the inequities I was seeing stemmed not so much from wealth but from knowledge.

    You can perceive the impact of having professional resources that one can draw from in extended families. The children in those families tend to have different expectations for what is possible in their lives than those children who have never had a role model to look up to who worked outside of blue color positions. In addition the children of college educated parents with college educated relatives tended to be more prepared for schooling in general than those whose parents were not. This did not always transfer into making those children more successful in the long run. Indeed, often those whose parents were less well off sometimes I observed were more ambitious and thirsty for knowledge, but even so they were at an observable competitive disadvantage that always struck me as unjust.

    Both of my parents are college educated, professionals but beyond my immediate family there are not a lot of professionals in my family and almost none with the higher levels of income. None who have PhDs and few Masters degrees (and those being recent developments necessary for career advancement, not planned moves from the start). No Lawyers or Doctors.  And no one who attended a tier one college or university, or even tier 2 I suspect, until my generation. And many were blue collar workers in the manufacturing industry at risk of losing their jobs as a result of technological enhancements. So as you can see, I grew up somewhat inbetween. Many more advantages than most people ever have, but still with a noticeable perspective disadvantage. Many of the ways in which others can and do lead their lives never seemed all that real to me because no one I interacted with lead a life like that so the possibility of me living that way seemed more like a silly and childish day dream than a real possibility. I also remember how many little tiny things that everyone seemed to know while I was in school that I just didn’t know. The world was just a little bit bigger for most of my classmates than it seemed for me.

    This one component I mentioned, the number of people in my family and their friends who have lost their jobs and been screwed out of pensions and retirement funds due to the simple crush of human advancement had another big influence on the way I see the world. It instilled in me a profoundly cold perspective toward the argument that such and such a change will “cost jobs”. Because the hypocrisy of those who stood by and let tens of thousands of unskilled workers lose their jobs and did nothing to even try to stop it but will now argue that it is essential that we make laws and regulations to protect their particular industry from undergoing the same fate makes me ill. How many people are homeless right now because we did nothing? How many of their children turned to drugs and are now in jail because we did nothing? And we’re STILL doing nothing. Every day more and more jobs are being replaced by ‘more efficient’ means of production.

    So yeah every artist, writer, and computer programmer can lose their job and have no way to make a living because computer technology replaces them with a superior means of transfer of knowledge and information. I don’t care. Every teleservices industry in the US or rote programming farm in the US can go out of business because their work is out sourced to India and China and I won’t care either. It will be no different than replacing clerks at a grocery store with automated machines that do the same task. If we are going to get upset at one, we should get equally as upset at the other.

    Perhaps I sound like I am against innovation and advancement. No. Nothing could be further from the turth. If anything I am a technofile. But if I am to believe in these advancements, believe that they are for the better, I am going to believe in them consistently. And that means we should privilege the most advancement these technologies can bring us, even if that limits our own ability to earn a living. Even if I who only have two skills, writing and programming should find myself unable to make ends meet as a direct consequence of technological advancements that make copyright law obsolete, that will be a small price to pay for a world where all the artistic  and intellectual achievements of all of humanity are equally accessible to all human beings on the planet. We just have to think carefully about how to make other ways for people to survive, if we care enough to do so.

    Most people think this position is arrogant and cold and cruel and somewhat stupid, but it is at the heart of how I perceive the world and it was created as a direct consequence of what I have seen while growing up.

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  • who are we?

    Nothing complicated here. Just some observations.

    Some people seem like taut coiled springs filled with potential. Waiting. Waiting. And then the moment comes when they find the thing that they truly want, their deepest desire, the person they most want to become.  And then they spring forth like an arrow from a bow flying forth unerringly toward their target. But what if they never find what it is that they seek and what happens to them when they reach their target?

    Some people are more like a collection of lego pieces carefully arranged into a construct of their choosing. Each piece planned and placed to fit into a greater picture of the whole of their life. They don’t necessarily know what pieces they will be dealt but to the extent to which they can control the outcome they ever choose to place each in the place where it fits best, to make a life that has the best shape, or at least the shape that appeals most to them. But what if they build their perfect structure only to find it ultimately empty?

    Some people are more like a still pool, calm, unflappable, with nowhere to flow and no need nor desire to be moved. And any change that hits their surface only causes ripples that soon fade into nothing. It is as if they will be constant, forever, always at peace with themselves and the world in which they persist. But even stillness is an illusion. What if a crack should appear in the earth upon which the pool sits and then the stillness becomes a whirlpool of chaos sucking in everything leaving nothing behind?

    Some people are more like a canvas onto which reality paints itself. They become whatever their environments makes of them and they adapt with the circumstances. The picture that they are becomes increasing complex moment by moment, event by event as they change in accordance with their experiences. But even for them there is a shape that they want to be, like a stone that sculptures say has its ultimate form sleeping within, so to our these people waiting for the life to stick that best brings out their colors. But what if they never find it and they ever live a conglomeration of lives that they never wanted to be?

    All of these are ways people can be. All of these carry risks and rewards. Are there others? Probably, but these are the ones I have observed at least the ones I can think of right now.

    Though we have some influence on our characters, we don’t really choose our natures. Not entirely. They are an aspect of us seeded into our souls, grown through a lifetime of circumstances, choices, experiences. And we rarely realize the shape of who we are until long after the moments which that knowledge might have made a difference, when we might have chosen to change. And just as little do we understand the shape of everyone around us.

    So the question is, which of these am I?

    And which are you?

  • smart guys and the culture of evil

    I saw the documentary Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room  today. I basically knew nothing about Enron before watching this movie. I didn’t follow the news when it was going down.

    Even though this movie was incrediby disturbing I think it is important to watch just so people have at least a basic undersanding of what happened and why. It isn’t the most well put together documentary, and I personally would have preferred more detailed information about specfic numerical tricks and practices that were being employed. Still, it is very instructive about one very important aspect of society that we don’t talk about much. That is how evil in a society grows by creating a culture that rewards unethical behavior with privilege, praise, and wealth. A culture that indoctrinates people to turn a blind eye and close their mind to the possibilities of whom their actions might harm.

    Noam Chomsky once argued that the reason there is a push to privatize education is so that people won’t care about whether the person down the street from them is educated and that the reason there is a pus hto privatize social security s likewise to instill in people a sense that wether their fellow citizens will be able to retire comfortably or have a way out should they end up with a disability should be of no concern to them.

    I don’t know if it is fair to say that these effects are in fact the “reason” society has been moving in these directions as Chomsky asserts, but the extent to which our culture has come to instill in each of us an “every man for himself” ideology is unmistakable.  I don’t believe most of the people working for Enron by and large were evil people, not even most of the people who did wrong. Maybe a couple of exectives did cross over into the land where they can be called evil, but it took far more than them to make this enterprise possible. Rather, it was a lot of people making choices that were expedient, that were easy, that were in line with the principles expressed by the culture in which they were inundated, and which were in their own best interests. They were by and large able to completely turn away from really facing the reality of the numerous people who were without power in CA because of their manipultions and the likelihood of the many people who would lose their pensions as a direct consequence of the choices they were making. They seriously just didn’t think about it, at least not seriously. Or if they did think about it, they told themselves that this is what the had to do, that this is what society expected of them.  I know exactly how that feels, as I’ve been there.

    But the culture that Enron represents goes far beyond Enron. Enron in fact seeks like a kind of silly absurd example that no one could’ve guessed would have come to exist.  The much deeper problem that lies at its heart is how deeply corrupt the very system we have is at its most fundamental level. The very ideology that asserts that “shareholder value” is the end all and be all pretty muc dooms any company to inevitable evil. Take for example HP who was a company founded on idealism only to find itself embroiled in scandel. Watch Google very carefully, for although they will, I believe, strive to “do no evil” we willl see very quickly I think if we have not seen in it already how fast the profit motive can come to override ideals and principles when it is fundamentally ensconced in the very system itself.

    In the movie there is a part where they show the classic experiment of the guy telling the subjects to keep shocking someone and them doing it solely on his authority. The stock market system is like that. It keeps telling people its ok as long as it increased shareholder value. Whatever you do, it’s good overall if it increases shareholder value. And so it becomes a jutification that allows people to do anything. Anything at all.

    The worst culprits of this, the places where this culture is most apparent I think is not in our technology companies or our energy companies despite Enron’s ignominous example. I’m pretty sure it’s largely eminating from our financial services companies and related companies. The big walstreet firms, investment firms, banks, mortgage companies, other lenders, and the marketing firms they work with directly. They seem, in my observation, to be amongst the most corrupt companies in the world. Now maybe that’s just an illusion because the evils of Walmart, McDonalds, Microsofts, Time Warners, and Exxons just aren’t as visible to me, but from what I have observed it does not seem to be that in these companies there is a culture that privileges the bottom line above all else, or at least, in most of these, there are forces and principles that fight against this ethic.Whether its innovation, or global stability, or art, or low prices, most companies, I think, are at least trying to care a little more about something other than money.

    But in the money business, money is your business, so its no surprise really that corruption would spread faster there and spread outwards. I used to work at a company that worked pretty closely with a lot of these companies (not doing anything important for them, but still working with them). The Providians, Discovers, Meryll Lynches, Bank of Americas, Citigroups. and the likes.  I will never work for any of these companies nor with any company that is directly beholden to them ever again. Because even where I was so tangential to their core culture, I could see very clearly the impact the corrupt culture within these companies had upon the culture of the company I worked for and ultimately had on me. It’s almost like a disease eminating outwards, just as it was in Enron eminating downard from the higher ups to the rank and file.

    Not convinced? If the trickery that these companies did to prop up Enron didn’t convince you, and you won’t take my own testimony on faith, consider watching another documentary Maxed Out which pretty much shows how the credit industr is literally killing people. I’m not joking. The movie shows casualties, people whose death can be directly attributed to specific policies of the credit industry.

    And if that doesn’t convince you, consider what’s happening in the economy right now. The housing market’s crash that will cause (is already causing) many many people thier homes.

    It’s all related. The smallest choice to make something seem to work a little better for their overall profits without consideration of the consequences could cause some harm down the line to someone unintended and worse, it could lead others to think its ok to do the same when they need to make a choice.of what to do and why. Those whos interest is primarily in themselves create a culture that allows them and everyone under them to ultimately be willing to justify virtually anything.

    To change this system, I cannot imagine what would be needed short of an utter rework of our entire economic system. I’m not saying abandon capitalism altogether, but any system that does not contain at its heart a mechanism that brings out at least some of the good in people will ultimately lead to dire consequences. We’ve seen it and we will continue to see it unless there is change.

  • just some interesting video clips

    Most of these videos are probably pretty well known by now, by youtube fanatics, but since I just discovered  most of them, I figured I’d share them.

    When I read this speech I thought it was one of the best I’ve ever read, now that I’ve heard it I think it’s one of the best I’ve ever heard. Here’s the full speech:  http://youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA

    So after watching that I was looking for other good commencement speeches. There should be a site that links to all of them and keeps them all archived in text, audio, and video form, but alas I could not find such a thing.

    Here is the third part of Colbert’s commencement speech which is pretty funny:
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=lfWccASi6PM

    I don’t know where the other two parts are and why they are not on youtube.

    Here’s all four parts of a neat one by Seth MacFarlane.
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=gc-yl_8ywiU
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=U9QXyuUqKCs
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=gLt73xSJlAM
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=W_q_z1_d0mE

    Seth MacFarlane is the producer of Family Guy, which is a show that can be pretty much summed up by this clip: http://youtube.com/watch?v=h1QTlUq3ClU

    Anyway, those speeches are funny but not particularly inspiring. Anyone know of any other good inspiring speeches out there?

    Here’s another interesting video on the nature of the internet that I thought was very well done:
    http://www.viralvideochart.com/youtube/web_20__the_machine_is_using_us?id=6gmP4nk0EOE

    This is a mean one making fun of Sony and the PS3 which I quite enjoyed: 
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=R98qC0fd_1w

    And speaking of mean videos that make fun of famous companies and their products, Microsoft is always a good target.

    This one shows that the Beryl Window Manager is more graphically impressive than Vista:  http://youtube.com/watch?v=xC5uEe5OzNQ

    Honestly, most of the features showcased in the video for both systems seem largely pointless to me, but that’s just my opinion.

    This one makes fun of the degree to which Vista copies OS X:  http://youtube.com/watch?v=TaIUkwPybtM

    And this one is another Microsoft Speech Recognition example.  http://www.viralvideochart.com/youtube/microsoft_vista_speech_recognition_tested__perl_scripting?id=KyLqUf4cdwc

    I think these speech recognition videos are pretty funny but I really want this technology to work and in a lot of ways it looks rather impressive to me. I’m tired of using my mouse and keyboard anyway. But even so I probably won’t use it for perl scripting.

    And just because I was bored, here’s a classic I hadn’t seen in a long time:
    http://www.viralvideochart.com/youtube/all_your_base_are_belong_to_us?id=qItugh-fFgg

  • belonging

    Why are wars really fought?

    I believe, as much as they are fought for wealth and influence, as much as they are fought for glory and honor, as much as they are fought for power and privilege, as much as they are fought for pride and anger, as much as they are fought for faith and loyalty and love, as much as they are fought for all these things and more there is one thing for which wars are fought that trumps them all. 

    Belonging.

    Every soldier who ever made that decision to lay down their lives, to give over their freedoms to a military heirarchy, to become a cog in the wheel of the greater military machine, or to commit atrocities on behalf of that machine, did so, in part, because of their need to belong and to defend the things to which they belong. Belonging to a nation, to a religion, to a community, to a culture, to a troop,  to a squad, to a family, to a nation. Many soldiers find that before they joined the military, they didn’t know what it meant to belong to anything or they didn’t realize how precious a feeling belonging to something can be, and how far they were willing to go to protect that thing.

    To belong! A thing to which you can relate. A group to which you can feel kinship, loyalty, and respect. To feel that being a part of this thing, is a reason that you exist, is a purpose for which you were placed here on this planet, at this time. A people for which you feel an affinity, a similarity, a resonance. As if they are as much a part of you as you are of them.  A place where you can feel at peace, happy, and wholly yourself. Where you have no secrets and feel no shame and are surrounded ever and always by love.

    Yes, we’d kill for that.

    Yes.

    We’d die for that.

    Life too is a constant war for belonging. We may not always use guns or explosives to fight it, but we fight it all the time. We struggle and choose, one life over another, one moment over another, each time striving to find something, anything, however small, to which we can say that we belong. And when we find it, finally, a thing to which we belong? We will move heaven and earth to keep that thing! To be apart of it for even a moment longer, to let it last a second more, no sacrifice is not worth making, no risk not worth taking. We wont let it go easily. It is truly a beautiful and terrible thing to behold how far human beings are willing to go to hold on to or to obtain a thing worth belonging to.

    In wars, we devastate the world around us for the sake of belonging. In our own lives, we only devastate ourselves for the very same reason. It is possible, very possible, to want something too much, or to fight too hard to be apart of something, and to suffer as a consequence.

    Is there another way? Do we want there to be another way? The struggle for belonging is such an integral part of the human experience. It completes us. It makes our lives bigger than ourselves. I don’t think we would ever want to give that up. Nor should we. 

    But perhaps we should always just make sure that whatever else we choose to belong to, we always remember to belong as much to ourselves.

  • Why we live

    This is article #2.  This one was adapted from a an email I wrote to a friend that in retrospect I  came to think was pretty good. It’s only the first half of the email and I made a lot of changes so I’m not sure if I ruined it, but at least I’m pretty sure the original was pretty good.

    http://www.helium.com/tm/516934/nothing-could-natural-wonder

  • If you could have only one super-power, what would it be… and how would you use it?

    The hierarchy of super powers is pretty clear. The best power of all is Martial Arts. Too much work for me. After that is cosmic powers. Too mysterious. So I’d settle for the lowly third best choice. Super Intelligence.

    What would I do wth it? Well I should think I’d know if I had it wouldn’t I?

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  • Helium

    I recently signed up for an account at this interesting website:  http://www.helium.com/

    It’s a fascinating site. The basic idea is to collect polished articles written by random users and rate them in accordance to user opinion and then pay the writers a portion of the ad revenue in accordance with the popularity of their writing. The articles on the site seem to cover a vast array of topics from the silly to the profound. There are even a lot of creative writing works on this site. The quality of the articles also varies pretty radically and although articles that are higher quality do float up to the top you can still see a lot of bad articles pretty prominently. There’s no review and improvement process nor any accuracy check.  I’m also not fond of the referral system whereby you earn more money for getting other people to write articles for the site, that makes it feel almost like a pyramid scheme.

    Overall it’s a neat variation on the peer based web sites proliferating and better than most such sites it is at least gives something back to the people whose content the site depends. You obviously can’t make any real money through this site, but it can be an interesting way to find interesting things to blow time writing about and get a little feedback about it.

    Are there other similar sites out there?