September 22, 2007
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If Only…
In America, particularly, we put a little too much faith in the future to work itself out. We think so highly of our political system that we sort of presume that the problems we perceive can be quickly fixed but for some small little barriers baring our path.
So we think, if only we could get rid of President Bush…
If only we could get the Democrats and Independents in office…
If only we could end the Iraq war….
If only we could shut down Guantanamo Bay…
If only we could capture Bin Laden…
Each of these things is thought to be a sort of cure all. If only we could do these little things why then of course everything will work out just dandy. All we have to do is elect the people that we need and protest the policies we don’t like and then but of course it’ll all be alright. We think, the system does fundamentally work, it’s just that things went a little off track. Things got a little screwy. We think that we can correct.
But the truth is things weren’t all that great *before* any of these things occurred either and even before your average American had ever heard that there were people in the world named ‘Osama’ we were still trying to wish our problems away with similar delusion. I remember those days though few will talk about them now, back when you would have thought that the fact that the President cheated on his wife was a sign of the beginning of the Apocalypse for the way people talked about it. Back then people would say “If only we could get those Democrats out of the white house…”, “If only we could control government spending…”, “If only we could return to traditional values…” etc., etc. Often it was the very same people “If Only”-ing today who “If Only”-ed back then albeit now they bemoan a different faulty leadership. And in my not so humble opinion with greater cause.
Still, we don’t ever seem to think that there are persistent structural problems that transcend a particular political era. Problems that can’t really be fixed by futzing around the edges, changing mere parties or implementing small shifts in law or court composition. In fact, sometimes a victory can be a disadvantage in the fight for human betterment, if in so having your side win you are lulled into a false sense of security after you sigh your contented sigh of relief and say “Finally. Now. Now that we’ve finally achieved X, things will be alright.”
But can you really blame us for thinking this way and wanting these things to be the case? The average person doesn’t want to be worrying about slaughters and geneocides happening half way across the world, torture and corruption run rampant. We just want to be free to start our own businesses and try to get rich or build relationships and start and raise families and live and have fun and be happy. Constant struggle is not on our minds. We just want to solve the immediate problem, as quickly as possible, so we can get back to our regularly scheduled lives.
But politics aren’t really unique in this. It may well be a natural characteristic of the way human beings live their lives. We play the “if only” game all the time with regards to much less weighty matters.
“If only I could pass that class…”
“If only I could get that degree…”
“If only I get finally get that job I always wanted…”
“If only I could get a promotion…”
“If only I could fall in love…”
“If only I could get my stock portfolio would perform…”“If only I could get my finances in order…”
“If only I could lose that weight I gained…”
“If only I could get someone to understand me…”
“If only I could find my faith…”
“If only I could help the people I care about…”
“If only I could find some resource that adequately explains the things that are happening to me…”
“If only I could resolve that argument….”
“If only I could figure out what it is that I am looking for…”
With each wish we think that this one little barrier is the only thing keeping us down and we presume oh so erroneously that once we find a way through this particular trial or this particular dilemma that somehow things will just work themselves out. All we have to do is find a way to clear that next immediate hurdle. If we can do that, there will be no problems. It’ll all be easy street from then on. That’s how we think.
We are rarely able to take a step back and look upon our lives distantly and objectively and see whatever particular challenge as nothing but symptomatic of deeper structural flaws in the mechanisms and methodology with which we approach our daily living. That level of honesty and clarity is for the most part beyond us, not because we lack the intellect but because we generally lack the courage and will. Who wants to face the greater demons of our nature? Who wants to struggle to create real lasting seed changes in our very way of living when it is oh so much easier just to focus the mind and galvanize the will upon one particular problem, upon one thing that we feel we can face.
Or maybe it isn’t our lack of courage either? Maybe we all just can’t help but being fundamentally optimists? We just always end up thinking that all we have to do is solve the next problem and it will be the turning point that causes all the worlds problems to right themselves,
But for the sake our own individual futures as well as for that of the world we live in, we’re going to have to start to force ourselves to look beyond the next horizon and stop trying to solve all our problems with wishful thinking.
Comments (55)
This is a great post.
This is probably the most amazing thing I’ve ever read.
I remember doing a project in Global Studies where we had to learn about genocides, and it made everyone feel terrible for taking things for-granted.
People hate hearing about terrible things like that, so they just ignore it and worry about insignificant things in their own lives.
Nice post.
Humans have unlimited wants. It is because of this that we are continally asking “if only…”, they are small goals that are easier to grasp and achieve than the larger deeper problems. How are you to get where you are going if you do not remove the small obstacles first?
Such a good entry! It’s so true, I know I do it everyday, and I keep thinking, this isn’t going to help much, but it just keeps happening. This is also why I hate politics because it doesn’t matter who’s in office, half the world will love him/her and the other half will hate him/her and there will always be problems. Heck, if there were no problems in the world, why would we need a president and the FBI and the police and the whole government? If we could all live peacefully together, happily ever after…life would be too easy, and there’d almost be no point to it.
To solve “if only problems,” one has to work for them. When people become satisfied with the outcome, they still want more. Maybe it’s more about the process, than the result.
If only people with faith would learn to leave those without well enough alone, really.
I agree that we need to get past the “If-only” stage, and get into the actively doing something phase. However, I can also see the merit in focusing on one small problem at a time. Some things are too big to change all at once, and the only feasible way to combat a fundamentally flawed system is to change it gradually over time. We can’t expect to change an entire governmental system in the course of a couple of weeks, or even years. What matters is that change IS happening, even if it takes years for any “real” results.
It’s not that we are not ABLE to “take a step back and look upon our lives
distantly and objectively and see whatever particular challenge as
nothing but symptomatic of deeper structural flaws in the mechanisms
and methodology with which we approach our daily living” – it’s that we don’t WANT to. We might find out that to make things better, drastic changes are necessary (!).
Why would we want to disrupt comfortable lives with radical changes, changes that might require us to give up all these luxuries now available to us? And gosh, put forth effort? Why can’t we just complain instead? Surely, somebody’s listening, and they’ll take care of it!
We don’t want to change the world. We just want to change our place in it.
By we, I mean the vast majority of people.
It’s also called “hope”. Get rid of hope?
i have to admit that i think in the terms of “if only” quite often and use those as an excuse to why my life doesn’t work out how i want it to. i really do need to start thinking about the bigger picture instead. great post
so basically what you’re saying is…
“if only we could get past the if only phase…”
It is a good blog, you have said a lot to true things. But I think that you’ve fallen prey to what most of today’s generation fall prey to (myself included). And that is we write blogs, speak out mind over the internet, but we don’t actually do anything about it. We get our affirmation: “oh that was an amazing blog” “or oh I never thought about it like that, your real smart” and we think we’re really making a difference, changing the world one mind at a time. But until we actually go out in the world and act, whether it be gain a position of influence though a job/relationship or otherwise, or organizing a rally or fund- raiser what really happens?
There is something to be said about the exchange of information, I think it is wonderful and powerful, but if it stops there what have you really accomplished?
I agree find the heart of the issue, the cause not the symptoms but once you identify it, I hope you don’t just write a blog about it, I hope you actually move to do something.
A. Just do the next thing that to you seems right then to be the best. How to tell if it might be a good thing? 1) Is it in line with your values system? 2) What does your experience tell you about doing this? 3) What do trusted friends/mentors tell you about doing this? 4) What has happened historically or in recent past when people have done this?
That’s all you can do. If it turns out to be a screw-up, learn something,and then do the next thing.
B. Think globally and act locally.
C. Make all you can, Save all you can, and Give all you can.
D. Worry is actually very selfish. Stop it. Just do the next thing.
E. Or sometimes, it is time to stop doing and wait.
My two cents.
nice post.
I think it’s like that saying….they’re the symptoms, not the disease. Good thoughts, though.
Amen, this is(sadly) so true. I feel with you on this one, people are so short sighted they often become hypocritical. I remember the days when people screamed for us to go to war, yet now that it isnt going as smoothly as we like(as war tends to do, its war), those same people now insult Bush for an idiot condemn the war.
and responding to htemorp -though i doubt he’ll read this- what is being described isnt hope, its being unwilling to look to times ahead instead of living only in the present, living for the moment sort of thing. Sure, live in the present, but prepare for the future.
this is true. The world is lacking, we need to be filled by something that’s not temporal..
sweet web. visit me
i agree that we do need to stop the typical wishy washy thinking and just act on the best judgment we have however a certain amount of that “what if” or “if only” thinking is needed to look at other plausible actions or choices. Though i dont think we should be consumed with it either. I do agree as well that it is a kind of hope if taken lightly. For instance, someone might think “if only i could graduate in 2 years instead of 3″ well if they keep that mind set compounded with the actions of not taking the entire summer off and working their but off with extra hours than is that a bad thing if they reach their goal? Is bad to think of things in a hopefull alternative. Though yes i admit a lot of Americans think if only this or if only that and do nothing about it and thus the thought is completely wrong and useless. but not all are that way. i dont think many will agree with me but never the less this is my take. all in all a very interesting post. blessings.
Hmm… If only people didn’t think like that…
props.
Yeah. I miss those “back then” times.
If only I could find a way to explain all the things beyond my comprehension.If only I could understand the meaning of life, the closest I have come is to watch its a wonderful life on TV,there is no meaning of life in reality, the meaning is lost in the purpose of life and the purpose is lost in the meaning, all things in life have opposition, hot and cold, black and white , positive and negative, male and female. In Zen it is caled YIN and YAN or hard and soft.In physics every action has a reaction and anything you raise off the ground pulls the earth towards it in a reaction, so the meaning of life has a reaction in its purpose, we are all really fellow passengers to the grave, what we do in death is reflected by the reaction to what we did in life, without movement there would be no sound, without action there is no reaction without meaning there is no purpose and without life there is no death so start acting while you are alive and in death you will meet your reaction and remember good action leads to good reaction and vice versa.
That works.
Without optimism, life’s not worth living.
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Dude thats so true. I think the worst thing about it is we blame people in the past for the problems we have now. No, acctually the worst thing is that no one wants to achive anything past “if only”. We forget about the heroic things americans did and achived. And we don’t think anything great will happen again. If only they would shut up and see all the great things we have done in the last 5 years with sweat and blood.
This is great. I really agree.
“I think the worst thing about it is we blame people in the past for the problems we have now.”
hahahahaha…so not surprise you’re from Texas. It’s obvious you know very little about social inequality.
nice one…i believe every individual can do something when they put their mind to it..it may not change much to the way u want it to but at least u did something..at least u’ve tried..it’s better than not trying at all
“It’s also called “hope”. Get rid of hope?”
“what is being described isnt hope, its being unwilling to look to times ahead instead of living only in the present, living for the moment sort of thing.”
I agree that it’s hope, that was the first thing I thought of when I started reading the entry, and it’s also the reason it caught my attention to begin with. It is the definition of my life. It’s what works for me, and I’m sure many others, so to each his own, I say. For me, these “if only”‘s keep me going, they are my motivators. I think this is true in some degree for most people, at least Americans…it is the reason why many people favor (or at least don’t object to) lowering the taxes of the higher wealth brackets. Everyone hopes that one day that will be them, and so they will reap the benefits of these cuts “someday.”
If you had no personal “if only”‘s/hope, what would keep you going? What would you be living for? Would not you just be floating along in life, working toward nothing- in no particular direction? All goals are really if onlys, too…”If only I could get an A on this test…” Well, that’s what you’d strive for then, in HOPEs that you will achieve.
Human nature is strange, isn’t it? We fail in so many ways just because we are so selfish. Wishful thinking isn’t always bad. It is good to have something to work toward. Wishful thinking can help you find that goal. The problem is when it becomes the only thing you want to accomplish or when you lose sight of other things in life.
For instance: I would love to have my buddy Jerod home from Iraq. But, I am sure he is being a great example for many people over there. As much as I want him to be safe, someone needs to help Iraq become stable. It won’t happen of we pull out. Any member of the US military will tell you that if we pull out now Iraq will never have peace. It is that way with many things. If we do one thing, we will lose another and possibly miss out on one of the good parts of being human.
The “if only” mentality is a sign of laziness. People say if only to small things, like the little weight gain you mentioned, but aren’t interested in putting forth the effort it would take to lose it, so they say “if only I weighed less”. Effort isn’t fun. Americans don’t realize that. If you want something, you have to fight for it… most anything worth achieving requires some struggle. I know. I lost a significant amount of weight because I stopped saying “if only” and did something about it. I ate healthier and went on an insane workout program and *gasp* I got the results I wanted. I wanted to change my life, so I did. I found something that while not as financially fulfilling, is much more personally fulfilling and it is my career now. When people learn to take ownership of their lives and realize they can do what they want with their own lives, the “if only” mentality starts to disappear and a mentality of “what can I do to fix this” takes its place.
Lol, I guess it’s all relative, because in my case, the if onlys are the reason I’m NOT lazy. Wanting to lose weight, the hope of shedding those pounds, is why I’ll be determined to actually go through with it.
We shouldn’t make blanket statements…. obviously we are all affected differently by our if onlys, and have different views on their meanings…
great expression here!…if people allow someone else to do things for them, even for someone else to defend “their rights and freedoms” haven’t these people also surrendered their individuality and freedom in the decision or acceptance of such terms?
If only we could follow this advice.
george bush is a KILLER,a EVIL man
I love the way you put it into words. It can get quite annoying when people only complain about their problems with no intentions of actually fixing it =/
If only I could turn back time …..
This is amazing, one of the best Xanga posts I’ve read so far!
The “if only” sentence ends with a “then…” There are so many ways to build that sentence… I agree with those who say that our human desires are limitless (though they may be appeased for a while).
If the “then…” half of the sentence ends with “I will be content,” or “I will be happy” or “I will forgive that person”, then the “if only” side needs to be re-thought. Those “then” halves start with “I”, but it isn’t a good idea to let what we are be so dependent on external circumstances. We can’t always control those, but we do have some choice over who we are.
Perhaps it is better to decide, “I will be content, whether I get what I want or not.” It is still possible to have that inner contentment and feel motivated to change the world around us for the better. I don’t equate it with apathy, but rather see it as a way to work out our mini-delusions of “if only” fulfilment, which will free us up to work on the world around us with clearer eyes. Maybe?
Hi. Thanks everyone for the thoughtful replies.
With regard to the question of is “if only” hope, I do think it is a kind of often helpful optimism but I’m not sure if I would go so far as to call it hope. I think you can have hope without fixating on “if only” this or “if only” that.
Whatever you call it though, I certainly did not want to suggest that it needs to be gotten rid of. I agree that wishful thinking is not all bad. If I had not fixated on certain small goals sometimes I’m sure that there’s a lot of things I would never have accomplished.
I’m just saying that with any problem sufficiently complex (and certainly the problems of politics and how we ought to lead our lives are so complex), this sort of tunnel vision doesn’t cut it. Saying “if only” might be the start of solving your problem but it will rarely be sufficient since when you “if only” you always seem to fixate on surface consequences and not the root causes.
In other words you usually go “If only X”, and then you either fail to achieve X (often through not bothering to try, preferring to wish it to be), or you do try and succeed in achieving X only to find that things aren’t really significantly different and there’s a new “If Only Y” that you have to do. And then “If Only Z” and so on.
If only.
I think the best cure all is to start from scratch… It may take a little longer to get things straightened out but all the fat cats with their own agendas would be gone… the people of this country need to take their country back from the high and mighty and rich politicians and began the process of returning the US back to the once glorious country it used to be
Eh… you lost me…
One thing, for people who are not aware of these things (like Cindy Shehan), Bush is only in office one more year and two months, there’s no way/point to stopping him, and if we stop fighting over-seas then the war will be on our turf, and the bombs will be going off in our streets, what then?
Then when you hear the shots ring in the night you can’t call the police, because they’re all dead and dieing or out fighting for you, and when you see a bomb or a grenade you can’t call on S.W.A.T or bomb squad to come and safely blow it up. And when you see airplanes headed towards your nearest Sky Scraper you can’t call on Air Force 1 or the Marines to blow him to kingdom come…
And I don’t know what my point is, but, whatever.
I loved your post although you lost me about half way through.
Keep up the good writing,
-S.
there are too many “if onlys” going on… what we need more of is action. it might be one of the most fulfilling things, to take something you have been saying “if only” to, and simply do it. it might make things much better in the world…
I like the posting you put up. Something to think about as well
if only i could write like you!
This is a really insightful post. Wishful thinking never helps.
However, when I read your post I thought you rather stumbled on the fact that life is always going to throw us problems, tribulations, and situations that need to be handled before we moved on to the next one.
In a way, singling out that one particular instance, such as passing a class, is the best way to prioritize and handle responsibility, without growing overwhelmed at the blue million other things on one’s plate-as well as the sad fact in the back of one’s head that there will always be more to come.
So for the sake of being sane, one should always move to the next thing. Be realistic, and conscientious of the fact that we’ll never be entirely content, but always face life with a little optimism.
Again, kudos to this post.
“Rebel, and the Revoltuion will follow.”
Passage from the NWO.
very well written post
hi, greetings from va, congrats on making the front page.
i really liked when you said,
‘We are rarely able to take a step back and look upon our lives distantly and objectively.’
you’re absolutely right, solving one problem won’t solve the problems of all and blaming on others won’t improve a situation any better. good posting.
That was well written.
props!