March 4, 2008
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Running
Absolutely everything you do gets easier the more often you do it.
Even running away.
The first time you run, it feels miserable. It feels like you are doing something horribly wrong. You are appalled at how much of a coward you’ve been and ashamed of how weak you are.
But then the next time comes and in spite of all those feelings you do it again. And this time… it’s not quite so bad is it? It feels a little more natural. You still hate it, but you are sort of resigned a little to the fact that you are a person who runs away.
And the next time you become even more resigned. It becomes even EASIER. And pretty soon before you know it you’re just running and running along at break neck speed. Running away from everything that hurts. Running away from everything that’s hard. Running away from everything that doesn’t turn out quite the way you wished or dreamed it would.
And it’s just soooo easy to just keep running. It’s comfortable. It feels natural. You’re so busy running you don’t even ever stop long enough to remember why it was that you hated yourself for running that very first time oh so very long ago. But the guilt is still there, lying in the background, hiding behind every footfall. It’s just waiting for you.
So that first time, when it finally comes, after you’ve been running so long you don’t even remember what it feels like not to run, when you make yourself *stop* and say “No! I am *not* running away this time!” It’ll be the most painful and difficult thing in the world. All those memories will still be there lying in wait for you. All that fear and shame and self-doubt it won’t have disappeared for all that you have ignored it all this time. And it will be so very hard to face it. Impossibly hard.
But only the first time.
Because it gets easier. The next time you refuse to run, it won’t be as bad. And the next time. And the next time.
And soon enough maybe you’ll find, that you can be strong too you know? And then you won’t need to run away any more.
Comments (5)
It’s only kinky the first time~
i love that feeling. i love it when i’m sore all over and it’s a sign of an effective work out.
…. running is AMAZING. i just love how my feet pounds on the pavement. that sound is glorious.
I agree. I know I’d prefer to duck for cover but sometimes it makes it all that more fun in the end to dance in circles in the rain instead.
You’re speaking of metaphorical running through this, correct? If not then I didn’t know you were a runner!! Me too. [[:
Heh.
Running is plenty fun. Unfortunately my lungs tend to cause me troubles so I don’t get to run for the shear pleasure of it as often as I’d like.
But it can definitely be good to run sometimes. Just so long as you’re running toward something if you know what I mean?