July 20, 2008

• The Story of My Creation

  It’s Sunday. You were warned.
  
  
  
  
  
  It was many years ago before this vessel’s latest instantiation in that
  odd space called “the real world”.  God came to me and said:
  
  
  
  “Hey Nephyo! I’ve got a proposition for you.”
  
  
  
  Now I was cautious. God cam be tricky sometimes. That Caligula business in a previous life was not exactly fun.
  
  
  
  “What kind of proposition I said?”
  
  
  
  “I need someone who has a unique perspective on life. So here’s a what
  I’m a gonna do for you.  You’ll live a life like this. Nothing
  particularly bad will happen to you. You’ll have a decent family. A
  reasonable financial status. A good education. And you’ll be
  intelligent enough to get by and do whatever you want. And you’ll be
  lucky enough that even when things look bad, things will generally work
  out ok for you in pretty much every situation. You’ll live a simple and
  peaceful life.”
  
  
  
  Well now, I thought, that just sounds too good to be true doesn’t it? 
  I remember a certain death via hemlock last time I tried to bargain
  with God. I knew something was up. Still, it’s not good to just ignore
  God and walk away. So I asked the obvious question.
  
  
  
  “What’s the catch?”
  
  
  
  “It’s just a little itty bitty thing hardly worth mentioning Nephyo.”
  
  
  
  “I’m sure, but could you indulge me and please mention it anyway?”
  
  
  
  “OK well if you must know the thing is… “  he muttered it. I couldn’t hear.
  
  
  
  “What was that!?!” I said loudly. God sighed.
  
  
  
  “I said,  nothingparticularlygoodwillhappentoyoueither”,  he said it really quickly and continued,  “So how about it?”
  
  
  
  “Did you just say nothing particularly good will ever happen to me!?!?”
  
  
  
  “Yes. Yes.” said God, “Also a few other little things too like you’ll
  have a terrible sense of direction, have almost no short term memory,
  be tone deaf, and have no visual artistic talent whatsoever. But I’m
  sure those minor annoyances will be of little or no consequence to you.”
  
  
  
  “WHAT!?!?!?”  I shouted incredulously.
  
  
  
  God acted as if he hadn’t heard me.
  
  
  
  “So we’ve got a deal right?”
  
  
  
  “That’s quite possibly the dumbest proposition I’ve ever heard in all
  my lifetimes on every world and in every reality!  Hell no we don’t
  have a deal!”
  
  
  
  God glared at me for a moment but then a smile returned to his .
  
  
  
  “Oh come on! It’ll be fun. It’s not like I’m giving this opportunity to everyone. I specifically picked you. It shows you’re one of my favorites.”
  
  
  
  “Why don’t you go f–”
  
  
  
  God cut me off quickly before I could finish the sentence.
  
  
  
  “Hey hey now no point in gettin all upset! It’s not like I’d ever force
  this upon you if you don’t want to do it. It’s just a simple
  proposition is all. All you have to say no and you’ll get a normal life
  just like everybody else.”
  
  
  
  “I choose no then.”
  
  
  
  “I just want to make sure you’re sure that’s what you really really want.”
  
  
  
  “It’s what I really really want.”
  
  
  
  “Oh come on you know you want to do it.”
  
  
  
  “No I don’t.”
  
  
  
  “Yes you do.”
  
  
  
  “I don’t”
  
  
  
  “You do.”
  
  
  
  “I don’t.”
  
  
  
  “You do.”
  
  
  
  “I don’t.”
  
  
  
  “You don’t.”
  
  
  
  “I do!”
  
  
  
  God’s laughter echoed throughout the heavens.
  
  
  
  “Wait? What just happened here?”
  
  
  
  “You agreed! You agreed! Mwahahahaha!” 
  
  
  
  “Grrrr. Curse you God! I’ll get you for this next time!”
  
  
  
  And hence did this Nephyo come into being.
  

  • 6:00 am
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