I'm pretty sure if Superman existed today and was a regular member of
society with no special status whatsoever, this is what people would
say to him when they found out about his weakness:
"What's the big deal it's just a green rock?"
"Oh get over it!"
"Buckle down and face your fears!"
"Get over yourself, ya crybaby! It's a rock."
You see it's very hard for us in this world to understand that
subjective experiences differ. If something seems not particularly hard
to deal with to us we assume generally that it isn't that hard for
everyone else too. We might understand that it's harder. But it's hard
for us to stretch our mind to the point that we think it is really all *that* hard
for them. We generally think, if we can do something, and somebody else
can't, then that person just needs to try harder. Work harder. Do more.
We'll happily cheer them on, but we won't really struggle too hard to
try and understand how the way in which they experience something
differs from our own.
This phenomenon shows up most notably in psychological impediments.
Even more so than physical or intellectual barriers we find it
difficult to conceive that there can be a psychological wall impeding
our behavior that is every bit as strong and difficult to get past as
any wall made of brick or mortar and sometimes much harder.
Take for example someone who is claustrophobic. We will see frequently
that in interactions with the claustrophobic people constantly "forget"
that they are effected by tight places. And often we will look upon
them oddly as if they were some sort of twisted alien or freak for
being incapable of getting on an elevator. If we encounter them in a
closed space, our behavior toward them will generally be rather
extremely insensitive to their plight. We sort of act like maybe if
they go into enough closed spaces and ride in enough elevators they'll
"get over it" and see that there's nothing to fear and be able to move
on.
The arrogance of that attitude makes me sick.
So too with other kinds of psychological impediments.
Take Tourette Syndrome as an example. This is an inherited
neuropsychiatric disorder. Meaning it's hardwired into you when you are
born. And you had no say in the matter. The symptoms include things
like rocking back and forth or shaking or twitching or fiddling with
stuff or sniffling or excessive blinking or coughing or facial
movements or various other kinds of tics or random blurting out of words and phrases or forgetting
what you are about to say in mid sentence. Things like that. As many
as ten in every one thousand children may have at least a mild case of
Tourette Syndrome. Although never diagnosed, I am positive that I am
one of them (probably a very mild case). I rock back and forth, tap my feet, and forget what I was
about to say in mid sentence. And other things. I've done things like
this for as long as I can remember. And no amount of trying to stop
myself works. Even if i focus my mind and try really hard to refrain
from rocking all the time, the very next time I'm not paying attention
I'll be rocking again. I won't even realize I am doing it until
someone else points it out to me. It's not a "bad habit". It's
hardwired. A part of who I am.
But of course people tell you "sit still" and frown upon that behavior.
They just tell you to "stop", as if it were easy or trivial a thing to
do. People see it as a bad habit. Something that can be learned or
unlearned just by force of will. If you can't stop rocking, or
twitching or whatever well then you must be a weak willed person. So
bone up. Get over it.
Take for example Social Anxiety Disorder. This one's more "popular" in
that it is very well known that people suffer from it. But alas, that
doesn't mean that people understand it or are very tolerant of the
phenomenon. Rather the general assumption is that you just need to put
yourself into more social situations, be more open and outgoing,
challenge yourself... and then... magically it'll just get better.
It's like the Claustrophobia example. Just do it enough. Then it'll be
fine.
Imagine if it were Superman and we told him to just keep exposing himself to Kryptonite. Just keep doing it. Here ya go Clark! Keep these green rocks around your desk. See they aren't so bad? They're just rocks after all.
Of course Clark will be dying the whole time. But it's all in his head
of course! I mean *we* don't feel bad when we're around Kryptonite so
why should he?
...
Sometimes I'm reading someone's writing and they talk about how they
"grew up" and got over their social anxiety or their shyness by forcing
themselves to blah blah blah bleh. It always bothers me to read that.
Either they didn't really get over it and are just pretending.
Or they didn't really have it.
At least not like I do. Sure maybe they did get over whatever it is
that was holding them back. I don't pretend to understand the
subjective experience of others. But they're not like me. And it isn't
a matter of growing up or trying harder. It isn't something you just
one day wake up and say "It's all gone now! Yaayy! Time to have a
party!" The experience is always there. And I'm not talking about in
the back of my mind either. It's right there at the forefront.
Effecting every word I say every movement I make. An unsettled
discomfort bordering on the desire to escape.
I'm used to it now though. And I can face it and I do over and over
again. I have no choice. It's the way society is ordered. But the
discomfort is there. It's always hard.
And I'm only probably a moderate case at most. (I am realizing that I
have something else that is far more dangerous and debilitating but I
don't feel like writing about it today)
It's like Superman. How many times has he been exposed to Kryptonite?
How often has he willingly jumped into situations where Kryptonite was
there in order to achieve something or save someone? Over and over
again he does it. Over and over again he will. But even after a
thousand times being exposed. On the thousandth and first he'll still
be risking death, he'll still fear horrible and miserable in the
presence of the Kryptonite. He just will. It's not something he can
change. It's who he is.
We all have things like that about us. Lots of things maybe. But still
we act as if being human is a process of outgrowing and defeating the
same set of hindrances one at a time in set progression. And we look
upon each other and far too often judge each other on the basis of our
performance at those tasks.
You can't determine how weak or strong someone is by their success or
failure at the very tasks that you pursue, because the level of
challenge entailed in each task differs per the person.
We're just not that alike. We're all from different Kryptons and we each have our unique meteor rocks to deal with.
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Edit: I just want to clarify here that I am *not* saying all of these examples are incurable afflictions and that there is nothing you can do about them at all. I don't believe that at all. People can and do change all the time. It's just that what that means and what that entails can differ significantly by the person. Something that seems like an easy change for you to make might well be colossally difficult for someone else.
I guess that leads to an obvious point that I don't think society has a right to ask or demand that people change or conform in most situations. Superman faces his Kryptonite out of a sense of virtue and duty and being the goody-two-shoes that he is. And likewise if someone wants to change, no matter how hard it will be for them, because it will improve the quality of his or her life, more power to them. But if you don't, if it's too damn hard for you, who is anyone else, who doesn't know what it's like for you to say you're just being a wimp about it?
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