August 17, 2008
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Worry and Logic
When I'm worried or when I'm uncertain or when things don't make sense I rely on logic. It's the way I am. Thinking things through is a great comfort to me. I tear things up into itty bitty pieces and try to run through the possibilities. And when I see how vast the alternative possibilities are besides the ones I fear the most to be true it makes me feel a little better. It makes me worry a little less. Even when I conclude that the alternatives I fear the most are the most likely knowing that I could very well be very wrong about the relative likelihoods makes me feel better.
But I've got to remember not everyone is like me. For some the logic just highlights in your mind that the bad possibilities ARE in fact possible when what they want is for them to be impossible. They don't want the bad thing to have happened. So they don't want to hear that sure they could have happened but all these other things also could have happened. That's no comfort at all to them.
So I have no idea what to say in those situations and sometimes I end up saying things that are really really stupid.
I'm sorry.
Comments (11)
I'm sure you'll be forgiven. We're all capable of saying the wrong thing at the wrong moment, logic or no logic.
@Katiefinger - I apologized because I was wrong. I don't care if I am forgiven. I'm more worried about other things.
Whoa! That was me told!
If you've taken the time to offer a genuine apology, and you've taken the time to consider your original actions/words, then aren't you actively seeking forgiveness, regardless of whether it's high on your list of priorities? If you don't care about it, why apologise - doesn't any apology that is an apology simply because you know you're wrong mean nothing if there is no hope for reconciliation behind it, and that you're just apologising because you feel you have to, not because you actually want to?
I hope that whatever you're worried about stops being worrisome soon ... *hugs*
I hate when there's a "right" or "wrong" placed on everything. Logic is effective, but it's just our perception based on what we view as logical. Don't feel like your opinions have to be stifled. But I understand that things that you see or believe may be interpreted or received as a hurtful or offensive. It's hard sometimes to balance out the reactions of others with that of your own.
@Katiefinger - I think an apology given just because you know that you are wrong is actually the most sincere kind. If you apologize just gor the sake of mending fences then it doesn't come from a place of true remorse. It's "I'm sorry because I want you to get over this" as opposed to "I'm sorry because I feel genuinely bad about what happend."
@elvesdoitbetter - I wasn't actually implying that an apology should just be for the sake of mending fences. An apology should always come from the heart and should surely mean "I'm genuinely sorry that I upset you and I do genuinely feel bad because I hurt you." If somebody apologised to me and it was purely because they wanted me to 'get over it' then that wouldn't mean so much to me as if they said "I feel bad for what happened/what I/he/she said and I need you to know that." I would much rather an apology was witheld if it that was the case.
But that's me. We're all different, and we all view the world with our own moral code and quirks.
My original comments to Nephyo were based on spur of the moment thoughts. In retrospect I can understand why he wasn't actively seeking forgiveness; it can equate to being a selfish act and not all apologies I give are because I want forgiveness, but because I know I have wronged someone. But I still would never apologise if I didn't genuinely feel bad about what I said/what happened, and I do believe that Nephyo did feel bad, hence the apology. My second comment was more to do with the fact that I was trying to logically thought process the information - from his reply - in my own head, in my own idealistic way. Perhaps I shouldn't have done it in public.
i think you should do what you think is right and not worry so much. i think they say every time you worry you lose 5 minutes of your life... so stop worrying! ^_^
@Katiefinger - Process away, my friend. I just mean to discuss, not intellectually bitch-slap.
@Katiefinger - @RisingRebirth - @elvesdoitbetter - @raindrops23 - sorry I haven't replied to any of your comments on this entry. I don't really believe in disabling comments but in retrospect I probably should have on this post since it wasn't something I really wanted to discuss.
Anyway interesting comments on the nature of apologies and right and wrong and whatnot. I might chime in on that topic in a future entry.
@nephyo - No worries, friend. You don't have to reply to every single comment.
@nephyo - I never expect a reply anyway, so no apology needed!