September 13, 2008
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different worlds
People think we live in only one world. We don’t. We travel through many worlds in our lifetimes. We each go to many different places. Usually you travel easily between worlds without even the slightest pause. Sometimes you don’t even realize when you’ve passed from one world to another and you only look back and see that this place you are at is wholly different than where you once were.
But sometimes you get to a new world and there’s a barrier. It’s a person dressed all in black, face covered by a dark hood, and hands folded over his or her chest. Imposing. Forbidding.
You try to walk on in to your new world but he’ll have none of it. He holds up a warning hand and shakes his head disapprovingly. Perhaps you try to sneak by him, only to be tossed out on your rear. Perhaps you try to bargain with him or reason with him, only to be rebuffed without sympathy. Perhaps you try to flatter him or deceive him, but he is not fooled.
Finally in annoyance you shout at him “WHY!?!? Why can’t I be a part of that world!?!?”
And he’ll tell you. Oh he’ll definitely tell you. He’ll do so matter of factly as if surprised that you did not ask long ago. But what he’ll say will be different for each person and for each world denied.
For me, far too often, he says this:
“You’re too nice.”
That’s it. A life time’s worth of possibilities denied by those three simple words. Again and again and again I encounter them. “You’re too nice.” I’ve heard it eight times in the last two weeks. Yes I keep count. What does that even mean? How can someone be too nice? It’s stupid. You’d think selflessness were a crime. Shall I lie and cheat and steal and randomly punch strangers, curse people out, steal candy from babies, and mock and insult people regularly for the slightest most trivial things? How often should I do it? Act like an ass every other day? Or is once a week enough? Or maybe one mean and/or selfish act every day? Will people find that behavior more acceptable? wtf why? I don’t understand this expectation of cruelty. It pisses me off.
So one day perhaps you’ll be annoyed at your guardian’s answer as I am of mine. Maybe you’ll be more than annoyed. Maybe you’ll get frustrated and angry and enraged and you’ll leap at your guardian kicking and screaming, wrestling him to the ground, determined to beat the motherfucker to a bloody pulp and then travel to that damned world anyway. Ironic if your barrier is kindness.
But as you fight your guardian’s hood will fall back and you’ll see in his eyes your eyes reflected in your eyes reflected in your eyes again and again in infinite regression. And then your vision will slowly expand and you’ll be lying on the floor all alone. And then you’ll realize that there is no guardian. There never was.
There’s only you.
Comments (6)
You keep blogging about how others tell you you’re too nice. What the heck is going on over there? Where do you live, in some dystopian city where the maverick robots destroy all they consider weak? WTH, man.
Seriously, we need more niceness around Xanga. Don’t change, totally.
I am too nice. I am also too quiet and too laid-back. I am too observant and too good at my job. I am a perfectionist with certain things. I am told all of these things as though they constitute something criminal and wrong. Perhaps we should start being bitchy and evil. It may makes us greater people.
Hey, I’m finishing one of those “45 Xangans” lists and you’re mentioned. Just thought you’d like to know.
I could’ve tagged you, but for some reason we’re not friended. It’s weird that I have all these names in my friends module whom I don’t even know, while those I actually read and comment on all too often AREN’T friended. Something wrong with that.
@fullmetalbunny - I’m honored! We should totally get cracking on that book thing. I’d put you on my list of book collaborators too, but I’m not going to do a 45 thing. Maybe I’ll just answer the book question.
Yeah my friend/subscriber lists are all messed up too. Generally I don’t friend anyone, but I accept any friend request made OF me. I just subscribe to people. Hence my subscription list is a chaotic mess.
Probably if I had to do it again, I’d do the opposite. I’d friend everyone and only subscribe to those xangans I read all the time and/or regularly comment.
hm… too nice… i think that is something people say when they can’t really say anything else. they just don’t know what to say and you’re such a nice person that, that must be it. ^_^
it’s so easy to abuse nice people and even though it feels bad to do it, you still can’t help it.
the thing about being nice is that you probably have to be really easy going too. *nods*
I think that so many people are so self-absorbed these days, that when someone helps them out either at work or in other stuff people are surprised by it, and so when they see someone doing the right thing they aren’t sure what to say except for “you’re too nice.” (I have a co-worker whom I tell that to, and I don’t mean it in a bad way, I’m just shocked that he’s willing to go the extra mile to help me or someone else when I’ve been used to working with slackers for far too long.)