October 5, 2008

• Modern Day Chivarly Part 1

  Sit. Eat. Be welcome.
  And listen as I tell you a tale of glory and valor. ‘Tis an old tale
  but a beautiful one. A tale of knights and ladies. A tale of devotion
  and love. And above all a tale of honor and chivalry worthy of
  remembrance.  And our tale takes place in the great kingdom of Slangia.

  It
  came to pass on a day of festivities where all the great houses of the
  kingdom came together in celebration of the betrothal of Prince Sunny
  to Lady Holly-Dolly. It was a grand day full of games and revelry. The
  King spared no expense and the whole kingdom rejoiced.

  But then
  during the great banquet when the wine and the ale was flowing freely
  disaster struck! At the prince’s own table a quarrel began to brew.

  What
  started the disagreement is lost to the annals of history but all
  remember the words that rang out throughout the hall and brought the
  entire kingdom to shocked silence.

  “B1TCH!!!”

  “FFFFFUCK U!!!!”

  GASP!
  All
  eyes turned to see the beautiful and elegant Lady Resrey of house
  Engribonica standing and glaring at the gorgeous young blossom of house
  Islang, Lady
  Latexta. For a moment stunned silence stretched out across the
  hall. These were slights that all knew could not go unanswered. But who
  would come to these beautiful ladies aid? All waited to see what would
  happen next.

  “Yo yo! Wut up wit dat, b1tch? U can’t go dissing ma girl like dat!”

  It was no surprise that Sir Fo’Sho was the first to speak up. It was
  well known that he and Lady Resrey were betrothed and quite infatuated
  with one another. Though intoxicated he could not let a slight to his
  lady go unanswered.

  Lady Resrey squealed and grabbed Sir Fo’Sho’s arm grinning from ear to ear.

  “Sir Fo’Sho, you all mai heero! Sugoi! @^////^@”

  “74M3R!! N0 B3 T/-7K1N6 L1K3 7|-|A7 70 74H 1_^DY! 1 PWN U 4 7#@7!1!”

  SHOCK!! It was a roaring of the massive knight Sir R3X from three
  tables down shouting across the room as he charged toward the head
  table. All knew of Sir R3X’s infatuation with the Lady Latexta, but all
  also knew that thus far Latexta had shunned his advances. Indeed he had
  been sat so far away in spite of his standing and well known battle
  skill specifically to avoid any spectacle the brutish man might have
  caused. But here he was coming to the Lady’s aid before any of her
  other suitors had dared to speak.

  Latext turned away,  “8-|”.

  Fo’Sho glared at the massive young knight, wholly unintimidated.

  “U betta step back boy!”

   ”1 [2(_)5# U!”, R3X roared stepping forward.

  “U want some of dis?!?”

  “1 AM L3371! 1 CRv$:-: U I3AD11!1″

  The two knights stood glaring at each other and for a moment it seemed
  as if they would come to blows right there in the dining hall. Excited
  murmurs spread throughout the hall. Fortunately Prince Sunny stood
  and banged his massive cup upon the table.

  “DUUUDESS!!!”  He roared. All eyes turned toward the Prince. His face was red with fury.

  “This ain’t cool dudes! On the day of my betrothal causing a fuss like
  this? That ain’t kosher ya know? I ought to have you all thrown in my
  dungeons to chill!”

  The people had never seen their prince this enraged before. But to
  imprison these four from the two strongest houses in the kingdom might
  well lead to civil war! The situation was tenuous indeed. Fortunately
  it was Lady Holly-Dolly who stood up, twirling her hair and giggling
  all
  the while, and whispered to her beloved.

  “Sweety poo… let’s not get too hasty now. I mean like, they’re all
  soo totally cute and all. <3 Do we have to lock them up in that dingy ol’
  dungeon? That would like, be totally totally uncool you know?”

  The two whispered together for a few moments too quietly for anyone
  else to hear. Finally the prince spoke again, looking much calmer now.

  “For you my love, I guess I can show leniency.  Alright dudes and
  dudettes this is how it’s gonna be. You’re all gonna chill, sit back
  down, and eat your damn food. And if there’s even a hint of further
  disruption I’ll have this hall cleared and perpetrators executed. And
  tomorrow you all can have a duel and fight it out to settle the matter
  of this slight. Got it? You all cool with that? “

  “A’ight”  said Sir Fo’Sho.

  “A&R33D” said Sir R3X.

  The Prince and his new Princess boh grinned happily pleased with themselves. The Prince addressed the crowd again.

  “Well All right then! Everybody PARTY ON!!”

  And so the banquet came to an end peacefully and rumors rang out
  throughout the land as all prepared for the great duel that would occur
  on the morow to decide the fate of the great kingdom of Slangia.

  • 9:05 pm
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