November 5, 2008
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influence
This post has absolutely nothing to do with politics, elections, current events, the media, race, sexual orientation, historic events, the economy, or anything of the kind. yaaayy!
I’ve been thinking about myself as always, striving for self understanding and all that jazz, and it seems to me that I can conclude that I am the kind of person who strongly repels influence.
Things that effect people, that might turn one’s mind, or cause someone to take interest in something are either pushed back or they slide off of me. They don’t really touch me. I literally can’t stand the thought of being manipulated or controlled and the only time I can tolerate being told what to do is when I can trick myself into thinking that the direction is also something that I personally want to do or was my idea in the first place.
As a result I bulk pretty strongly negatively when faced with influential persons or people who have a lot of presence. And I react even worse when dealing with people in positions of authority over me or people in positions of power in general. Sometimes I can do a pretty good job of pretending like it doesn’t bother me, but deep down it does. It’s not that I dislike these people, it’s just that I find myself very much ill at ease around them. It’s much harder for me to befriend a bossy person or stay friends with a judgmental one. And charismatic people are rarely able to sway me along their lines of thought or catch me up in their web.
Usually when I hear somebody as described as someone that “everybody
likes” or someone that “draws people in” I don’t get what they are
saying. I don’t feel drawn in. In some cases I feel the opposite. I tend to shy away from the person who is the center of attention or the life of the party.I don’t know why, it’s just always been that way. When I was a kid I remember all kinds of things my parents would try and get me to do that I just didn’t want to do not because I didn’t think it was right and not because I didn’t want to do it, but because I simply did not want to do it because they told me to do it. Sometimes I would go to self destructive extremes to avoid feeling like I was being manipulated or foced into acting in a certain way even if it was for my own benefit. And it was even worse if they knew I was doing it because they told me. I would sneak about to try and do the thing without my parents knowledge even though my parents told me to do it, just so they wouldn’t know that I was doing what I was told. I hated following orders.
Similarly I do extravagant things to avoid the sensation of being used or acting in accordance with other people’s wants. This is quite a tricky thing since I really like helping people. I just don’t like the sense that I am being obligated to help or expected to assist. If there’s no sense like that then I’ll do extraordinary measures to help someone but as soon as someone seems to be manipulating me, I stop. Unless of course I see some value in cotinuing to be perceived as “helping” even though in reality I am no longer doing the thing for the person whom I am helping’s sake.
Anyways, lots of things that influence people don’t really effect me that much. Like I never get when people say this scene or that image or that song makes them feel sad or happy. And I don’t get it when people say that being around negative people ruins their mood and makes them miserable. I mean I can sense a little of that kind of a thing, but it isn’t a strong influence on me. Just like people trying to get me to act or think or feel a certain way aren’t that strong of an influence on me.
And with that I’ll abruptly end my random bout of self analysis. Because I’ve got nothing else to day.
Comments (7)
I guess that’s what you might call a “contrarian streak”– you have a desire to go against the flow. It’s interesting to hear it described in this much detail. Maybe the more aware of it you are, the more you will be able to suppress it (or better, sublimate it) and just do what needs to be done, regardless of what other may think or say or believe? Sometimes the task at hand is just the task at hand and has nothing to do with anyone else.
When I start feeling this way I just manage it, start pruning it away. I might feel upset, but I’ll remind myself that I’m not washing the dishes for THEM, I’m just washing the dishes. I will do other chores when they’re not around, because it’s easier not to get irrelevant feedback (or input that makes me feel less like doing the job, right in the middle of the job) but then I will make a point of doing some piece of work in their presence, in as neutral way as possible, just to show that it’s being done and they can shut up about it already.
It’s a hard thing to deal with, but its certainly exacerbated by nagging or overly critical people. Pressure to do something makes it seem impossible to do it, but the only way I can show that I have good self control is to go ahead and do it anyway, while disengaging from them as much as possible.
I think “cleaning disorders” can be created the same way “eating disorders” are– by parents being too involved in issues which should be part of a child’s personal freedom. With practice, we can just do what must be done while disregarding the social pressures. It’s hard, but it’s possible. We must do it for our own sake.
Hey, this post isn’t about the election.
*leaves*
@ClockworkBunny - nooooooooooooooooooooooo! GOMEN! Please come back!!!
@runaheadofme - yeah I usually have no problem caling myself a contrarian, but usually I’m referring to my writing in that I enjoy playing devil’s advocate and going against prevailing wisdom. But I guess that’s more symptomatic of a deeper underlying contrarianism within me.
The thing is I don’t particularly WANT to suppress it. I sort of can’t help but feel that people should mind their own business and let me do my own thing. So yeah someone giving me feedback while doing the dishes would make a part of me feel a deep urge to ring their neck! ^_^ And yeah I’ve often made myself do things when other people aren’t around.
But then I get into the problem of worrying about damnable reverse psychology. Like when people explicitly don’t nag or criticize knowing that by doing so they will encourage my behavior exactly along the lines that they WANT. And that pisses me off too. But I could easily drive myself insane before long by following those lines of thought.
that’s amazing that you aren’t influenced by much.
i’m highly sensative to people’s moods or feelings and it affects me a great deal. i think it’s because i’m a girl though.
like i know right away with W is not happy and i confort him on it and he’s like what how can you tell? W has no clue if i’m unhappy or in a bad mood most of the time. *shrugs* ^_^
I think it would be great not to be influenced by people! I want that skill. ^_^
@raindrops23 - I guess it’s useful sometimes. But other times it makes it so that I can come off as really really dense and stubborn. Oh well I guess the world needs all kinds of different people.
@nephyo - Amen to different kinds of people :T