April 16, 2009

• nothing really

  I don’t really have anything profound or interesting to write today or even amusing. So I’ll cheat and ramble on for a while and call it an entry.

  To be honest I’m sick with a pounding headache and coughing up a storm. So I couldn’t really concentrate on a meaningful entry anyway. Really all I want to do is be asleep right now. My back hurts too. Not sure what I did to my back and shoulder but just as soon as my cough started to subside even a bit it started to ache.  I wonder if it’s a chain reaction kinda thing. Once my shoulder heals a bit some other part of me will start hurting and so on until my whole body aches just a bit and one part of me hurts like hell. Wouldn’t that just be great?

  I broke a glass today. It was ever so slightly stuck to the table. It had fruit juice in it from a smoothie I had drank the night before courtesy my roommate who decided we needed to drink healthily too and decided to make smoothies. Unfortunately this one involved grapefruit juice since we were out of OJ and I’m not a big fan of grapefruit juice so I couldn’t finish mine. Anyways an hour was spent cleaning up grapefruit smoothie and glass shards while coughing all over myself. Yeah my day was just so wonderful today.

  Earlier before I broke the glass we went to go pick up glasses for my roommate (fricking absurdly expensive glasses are)  and get some healthy food to hopefully combat our sickness. (roommate is apparently sick too though not as sick as me or else she hides it better) Pita pit pitas and soup from panera bread. I didn’t even drink my soup, it’s sitting downtairs on the counter, can’t really bring myself to eat it.  We also picked up OJ but I don’t feel like getting it either. Not a wise way to get healthy but I don’t care. Right after I finish writing I’m likely going to fall out.

  I was surprised that nothing bad happened during the trip. Seems like today was such a shit day something bad would have to happen. I even took the time to print out my latest insurance card so I could put it in the car with me (haven’t done that in like a year and a half, stupid i know, but it’s just the same information with different dates, seems like an idiotic practice and a waste of ink). Anyways, I was I that I might have an accident. Don’t know why, just felt like bad things were destined to happen to me today.  I almost decided to just stay home.

  I got lucky though the trip was entirely uneventful and when I got home I only broke a glass and got subjected to much roommate ridicule for my folly. That I suppose in the grand scheme of thing aint so bad. Cold, headache, backache, and a broken glass. If that were the worst that could befall me, I’d take it only a daily basis and still be content. Annoyed. But content.  I still wonder if perhaps the universe decided to bring these things upon me because of hubris in writing my offensive entry yesterday.  Or perhaps its sort of reverse karma. Things had been going so well lately with everything it was time for some bad luck. Heck yesterday I even got a free fucking $20 gift card to a very nice restaurant randomly int he mail and got to go out to eat for FREE. That kinda good luck has to have consquences right?

  I’ve been listening to this song I like a lot lately it’s by the Fray and it’s called, actually my head is pounding too much to remember the name so screw it. It’s a conversation with God. For a nominally not at all religious person for some reason I really like conversations with God and the likes. I even sometimes have them myself. I think I wrote about that once before but maybe I dreamed that, I can’t really keep track of what I write anymore. Anyways, maybe there’s some tiny nugget of faith buried deep within my hardened skeptical soul. I doubt it though. I think I just like stories and diety conversations make for good stories.

  So yeah I’m almost done rambling. But I feel as if I should write or say something I dunno at least a little interesting or important sounding to justify your wasting your time reading this long. So let me ramble on about an utterly abstract, probably incoherent topic that just popped into my head five minutes ago. I was thinking about the size of the world. Not like miles but in human connections. Have you ever noticed how sometimes the world seems really small? Like everyone knows everybody and everything’s connected. People say “small world” and such statements, right?  But how come people don’t remark about the times when the world seems really large. Like impossibly huge. To me it feels the later more often the former. It feels like people are just so far away and we don’t really know or understand each other at all. It’s like we’re all shouting at each other from across a great Ocean and only picking up vague echoes of what each other is thinking or feeling carried on the waves. We’re all on our own little islands. Not small. Large world. Too fucking large. We need to gather up all the pine trees on our islands and build fucking rafts. Maybe we’ll drown on the ocean but there’s a chance we might run into somebody and actually get to know them. 

  But I’m too lazy. And I can’t swim too well. Some days I think it’d be better for me to just dig a hole in the sand and make myself a nice cozy little bed and stop wasting all my days standing on the beach straining to overhear the conversations of people who aren’t even nor ever intended to be fucking talking to me anyways. I like it on this island. It’s cozy. And in my hole it’s even quiet. I’ll get bored eventually but that’s the way it always was anyways.

  OK I’m done for today. Enough silly incoherent rambling.

  Huh this was pretty easy, maybe I should just do this every day. Saves me from having to actually think.

  • 10:37 pm
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