February 22, 2010
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Didn’t you know? Americans can’t be terrorists!!!
pfft. I mean *obviously*. There’s nothing more to say. I really should end this post right there. But for slow amongst you, I’ll elaborate.
Everybody knows that if tomorrow a a young charming white protestant evangelical republican libertarian male born and raised in Texas or Alabama were to start preaching about how the government was destroying our values, how the bailout was a sham, and how the little guy gets screwed over and over and over again by a corrupt broken system, he couldn’t possibly be a terrorist. Doesn’t matter if he makes ultimatums to the government demanding that they change their ways. Doesn’t matter if he gathers together a small group of like minded pure blooded American radicals who agree with his philosophy. Still not a terrorist.
If a couple years later he were to become so frustrated with it that he were to, I dunno, acquire a nuclear bomb and mosey on down to Washington D.C. that he sees as the heart of the problem and blow the place all to hell killing several hundred thousand people, nobody in their right mind would call that terrorism. That’d just be a stupid thing to say.
I mean it’s not like he was in Al Qaeda or anything! It’s not like was a foreigner. It’s not like he was, god forbid, a muslim. He’s a pure blooded American and we can all empathize with his plight and his feelings.
Hell maybe we even ought to think of him as a HERO! I mean what BALLS! Sticking it to the system!! We should all be so courageous as to slaughter innocents when there is a real need. That’s the only way to stop the damn Democrats from destroying our way of life.
Now that guy who lit his pants on fire and tried to blow up a plane, now HE was clearly a terrorist. Who cares if he didn’t kill anybody. He was working for Al Qaeda. He’s a muslim. He’s black. He’s a Nigerian. He’d been to Yemen. Clearly. TERRORIST! What we need to do is torture him as brutally as is humanly possible and when we’re done take him out back and shoot him in the head. Does he get a lawyer? No! Of course he doesn’t get a fucking lawyer. God damn terrorist scum.
Real Americans just are never and can never be terrorists. Get it straight you stupid media. And you too Obama ya jerk.
Now those crazy radical liberals they aren’t really Americans so they don’t count.
Comments (5)
Our domestic terrorism is imported just like our domestic servants.
patriots of old who took to arms to keep from being stripped of their right to bear them and waged war– today they would be considered terrorists
yep
It is impossible for an American to be a terrorist indeed! Well said, fellow patriot! I would like to subscribe to your newsletter!
You know, I seem to recall a time when Terrorist didn’t mean “brown person.” Oh well, that’s clearly not true anymore. I suppose I need to start working on the Terrorist Rights campaign.
@ShamelesslyRed - That’s not precisely true. Take a look at the actual methods employed by the Continental Army. If you can’t tell the difference between that and a campaign of terror, I really can’t help you.
Nevermind. I’m not fool enough to think I could help you anyway.