August 12, 2010
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Marriage Anxiety and Prop 8
Judge Walker lifted his Stay on his ruling to strike down Proposition 8 and allow gay couples to marry, but he gave the lawyers like a week to ask the 9th circuit to place their own stay pending a ruling. So a long story short, we still don’t know with a certainty whether any gay couples will be able to be married in California yet.
However, assuming the 9th circuit doesn’t interfere now, then on the 18th gay couples will be able to be married again in California and continue to be married there until something changes either in the 9th circuit or the supreme court. As I believe firmly that both courts will side with reason and rationality and strike down proposition 8, it seems likely that August 18th might be the day that gay couples re-gained their right to marry. And since there are nowhere near the votes for a nationwide bigoted anti-gay constitutional amendment, it will, hopefully be a right they keep for good this time.
But it might not be.
One thing I’ve always wondered that a lot of people don’t talk about is what effect this anxiety about whether or not you’ll even be able to get married has on gay couples? I mean you hear a lot about the people who have been in stable relationships for a long long time and have been just waiting to get married and how they’re suffering, but you don’t hear a lot about the couples who aren’t that certain about the whole “marriage” thing.
I wonder if it isn’t the case that a lot of these couples will rush to get married on and after August 18th simply because they fear that if they don’t, then in the future, if prop 8 is reinstated, they won’t be able to for God knows how long.
Will this create a flood of somewhat less stable marriages, rushed marriages engaged in out of anxiety rather than a certainty that this person is the most suitable long term mate?
Or will it create the opposite effect? Will people simply, out of disgust, not bother to even try to get married rather than face the disappointment and hurt they would feel should their marriages in the future be struck down or rendered meaningless by some kind of stupid bigoted law or ruling the people or Judges chose to support?
Marriage has considerable benefit, so I would suspect that the former scenario is more likely. If I’m right then we’ll see an unnatural jump in the divorce rate amongst gay couples in future statistics that will directly correspond with this period of anxious prop-8 related uncertainty which instigated rushed relationships and marriages.
And if that’s the case, how much do you want to bet that some crazy anti-gay marriage zealots will try to use that statistic absurdly as proof that gay marriages are somehow unstable and less meaningful than the heterosexual ones?
The good news is it would take a gargantuan leap in divorce rates for gay couple divorce rates to exceed that massively high divorce rate that straight couples have. So that line of attack will probably fall flat on its ass. As it should.
But it never hurts to be prepared. You have to be ready to answer whatever line of attacks bigots will use to attack your fundamental rights and freedoms. There will be people out there savvy enough to keep track of things like this.
But besides that, I just think it’s an interesting thing to consider from a social and economic perspective. How much is marriage demand increased when the right of marriage is a scarce resource? And how does economic uncertainty play into the equation?
I guess my overall point is that there are a lot of factors that go into determining whether or not or when a particular couple will get married that have little or nothing to do with that couple’s love and devotion to one another. Anxiety about the future is certainly one of those factors. It’s definitely a good thing for people regardless of their orientation, to keep in mind.
Comments (8)
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Good point. I hadn’t thought about these consequences before.
Will gay couples (in Cal) rush to get married? I think there will be a bit of rushing yes, but not really enough to affect numbers regarding unstable marriages.
If the divorce rate in gay couples goes up (which if more gays get married then it will go up) will people use that to try and re-ban gay marriages? Yup, without a doubt.
Do I really give a shit about all that anymore? No.
I currently have two perspectives.
One: Gays should marry because this is America and it isn’t ruled solely by the Bible.
Two: According to what I know to be true, being gay is an imperfection (one of many that plague this world) and I have been called to should people a way to perfection. A way that we can not take of our own accord.
I’m almost to the point of washing my hands of the whole matter and just giving up.
Almost.
@The44thHour -
I wish more people of faith had more of your attitude toward the matter. Not so much as the not caring anymore aspect, but the belief that our country is secular and not governed by any particular religion’s edicts. But a lot of people who are most firmly against gay marriage are also of the persuasion that the United States is solely a Christian nation and should acknowledge no alternative beliefs.
But I do believe that its perfectly within particular religions rights not to perform marriages between people of the same sex if they and their constituents don’t want them to. And if someone tried to get the government to try to make it illegal for you or anyone of faith to try and convince people not to be gay then I think that would be wrong as well. But as I am certain it is true that being gay is entirely natural and not at all an imperfection (no more than being tall or short is an imperfection), I also think that trying to convince people not to be gay is a bad idea that won’t work. But if you aren’t hurting anyone directly, it’s your right to try and lead people however you see fit.
I believe we all deserve those same levels of
freedom to do as we wish, regardless of how others see it as
right, wrong, or indifferent.
Regardless, even though we’re coming from vastly different perspectives on this issue, I think we can probably both agree that there are a lot more important issues in this world than whether or not people choose to exercise love for people of the same gender.
But if you care to make a wager. I’d bet good money that in 50 years time, in the United States, if there isn’t a major societal collapse into a dark ages, and humanity still exists, most major christian religions in the United States will no longer preach or teach against homosexuality at all. It will be as forgotten as are prescriptions against eating shellfish, tattoos, or touching the skin of a pig. The Catholic church will probably be the slowest to change. But religions all adapt over time. That’s why they survive for so long.
@nephyo - I have no doubt that some will change to accept being gay as completely normal. That is happening even now.
I con not speak about anything Catholic really, but I know that there will always be some who will not let go of the truth.
And just for your information (for future reference) homosexuality can not be compared to eating shellfish and whatnot. And such things are not forgotten.
And just out of curiosity, how would you say Christianity has changed since the time of Christ? (Not including the formation of the Catholic church and the separation of Protestant and Catholic.)
@nephyo - I would put money on Southern Baptists being slowest to change. They still won’t marry two people of different races.
As for the subject of your post, I think some people will rush into it, but not enough to have a major influence on divorce rates, especially since so many of the first gay couples to marry will be from relationships between people who have already been living as life partners for some time.
It shouldn’t matter that gay people would rush to get married just because their window might close. What about us breeders getting married to strangers in Vegas? That’s like a slap in the face to all the gays who do love each other and want to get married for the right reasons. And how can people think gay marriage is a threat to tradish marriage when you have J-Lo, Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears, Newt Gingrich, Elizabeth Taylor, Larry King, John McCain, etc. All of those people have already been married a couple times if not several in some cases. Yet, there’s nobody haging outside the church where these people get married holding up protest signs?
@Casbahmaniac - I didn’t mean to suggest that it mattered in any significant way and certainly not to express any kind of judgment against those exercising their right to marry whatever their reasons happen to be. To me it’s just a matter of curiosity.
But unfortunately I think it will matter to some people who have a desire to show that any problems within gay communities are symbolic of what they see as the deep inherent flaws in the very existence of homosexuality.
Fortunately though most seem to think it won’t be a large enough effect the actual divorce rates so it might not be a significant point at all except for the particular couples who are effected by this rushing.
And as for divorce and single parenthood destroying the sanctity of marriage… Please don’t give these people ideas! I think most of the people who are seriously against gay marriage are equally willing to be against divorce and single parenthood and shotgun weddings. Even hypocrites like Gingrich. Gay marriage is the hot button issue right now. But if that reduced in visibility, I would totally expect absurd protests against those other things too. They wouldn’t have the nationwide traction that gay marriage has because too many people live in glass houses on the divorce issue. But there are certainly plenty of people who think that they are equally improper.